Heart History

Theoretically, one cannot buy a heart. But a heart can be repaired with valves from a dead pig or in other cases, with kindness and promise.

1. I am seven years old, standing in a classroom at the back of the playground. They call this classroom The Hut on account of it being separate from the main school building. It’s raised up off the ground on a low platform. When I look out of the window I can see the hedge and beyond the hedge, the field. 

At the front of the classroom is a whiteboard. Beneath the whiteboard are trays full of stationary and stacks of paper.

I am next to the whiteboard, unclipping paperclips from a chain of paperclips and dropping them one by one into a big yellow pot, the same kind of pot that we use to clean our brushes when we are painting. 

Nathan Galloway stands opposite me and starts to also unclip paperclips. 

I tell him that I saw someone put a note in his drawer that morning. 

He stops unclipping the paperclips and his mouth drops open “Who?” He says.

I know then that he has found the small folded square of paper that I slipped into his desk. On the paper is the very neat outline of a heart. 

“Me.” I tell him.

Later, Nathan Galloway's friends tell me that I’m now his girlfriend. I decide to tell them that the note was actually from someone else, that I just delivered it. And after that, he’s not my boyfriend anymore. 

I don’t think I’m in love with Nathan Galloway. 

I just wanted to see what would happen. 

2. According to my Google searches, the heart shape didn’t become associated with love in the mainstream until the 15th century. 

In the mid 13th century French writer Thibaut wrote a passionate text accompanied by an illustration in which a man gives a woman a pear. Some Historians consider this to be the first depiction of a romantic heart symbol. 

Around 5 decades later, Giotto painted Charity handing Jesus what looks like an upside down pear or a human heart. In this image, the aorta is visible.

But the symbol of the heart as we know it is far from the shape of the heart biologically.

As hearts became popularised by the Church through religious art, the shape of the heart became more defined. A clean symmetrical edge with a pointed base, no longer comparable to an inverted pear. The colour, red. 

Valentine's day gained popularity in the 1700’s and this is when it became a tradition to exchange love notes adorned with heart symbols. 

Today, the heart symbol can replace the word for love. ‘I <3 you’ means I love you. A red heart icon or emoji is an expression of love, considered valid and used to convey genuine sentiment. 

3. Everyday I come home from school and log onto my parents computer to talk to my friends on Msn. I’m in high school. My screen name is little_red_star. I do not know that generally speaking, red stars are the global symbol of Communism even though I have an army bag with a red star on it. At this point, I just find certain things cool. I also like pretending to be a vegetarian, eyeliner, Hello Kitty and a band called The Killer Barbies. 

We have dial-up internet, I like the sound it makes when it connects. My parents friend’s can't call the house while I’m on the internet as the phone line will be engaged. I talk with my friends and send them animations of cartoon pandas rolling over and over on the spot. 

I receive an email from a boy named Connor who I often hang out with after school. I recall that he once sent an email to me and a girl whose email address was sexcgal69. I could see her email address at the top of the email, right next to mine.

The email he has sent is addressed only to little_red_star. 

When I open it there is an animation of a cute red monster opening and closing its mouth. The email says Happy Valentines Day, I eat hearts.

My own heart beats out of my chest.

I print the email and glue it inside my diary. 

I am positive that Connor loves me and I am not wrong. 

4.  “Because I cannot see you, my heart complains day and night.” This line from a love poem by Charles D’ Orleans was written around 1415. As hearts began to appear in the visual arts, they also began to appear within spoken and written word and now generations later, we have heavy hearts, light hearts, dark hearts and bleeding hearts. 

We have broken hearts, happy hearts, laughing hearts and golden hearts. 

We have good hearts, cold hearts, cruel hearts and young hearts. 

“Listen to your heart” usually printed and framed or emblazoned onto pillow covers has almost lost its true meaning but to put it simply, urges us to listen to our instincts or emotions rather than our common sense. 

“To pour your heart out” is to share your deepest feelings and emotions. 

“My heart skips a beat” when afraid, shocked or falling in love.

“I cross my heart” is a promise.

“Bless your heart” offers good sentiments or sympathy. 

“I know it by heart” is something you know so well you may have even memorised it. 

In 1978 Blondie sang “Heart of glass.”

“Nobody's heart is really good for much until it has been smashed to little bits” wrote poet Elizabeth Bishop in a letter to Loren MacIver in 1949.

5. I have reached my twenties, the days are dark and I feel like I will never be happy again. I’m at university in London, my hair is dyed red. I listen to Johnny Cash and June Carter on repeat. Eating makes me feel unwell and I have trouble getting out of bed. I cry and cry and cry. I have a dream that my heart is tied to yours with a piece of string. I love you so much. I love you so much I have to leave you. I have nightmares that you are chasing me down a long road and our hearts are joined by a glowing red thread that bleeds into the night. In my hands are a large pair of silver scissors and as I run I try to cut the thread between us. It’s as if the thread is made of wire. I cannot cut through it. When I look down, I see my heart open at my chest. I see the red thread coming out of it and trailing behind me, binding us together.

6. “Does the heart think before the brain?” This was listed in the Google related questions that came up when I typed “Can the heart think” which means that it has been asked by thousands of people, thousands of times since Google Search was officially launched in 1998.

We talk about the heart as if it is another brain and in my limited research on this subject it seems that there may be some truth to this. The brain and the heart communicate but the heart sends far more signals to the brain than the other way around.

In the fourth century B.C, the Greek philosopher Aristotle identified the heart as the most important organ in the body, the first to form according to his studies of chicken embryos. It was the centre of intelligence, movement and feeling. A hot organ with three chambers. Aristotle believed that other organs like the brain and lungs only existed to cool the heart down.

7. I’m in my early twenties, wearing a white apron with a cupcake on the front. I work in Primrose Bakery in Primrose Hill. I am frantic because I have spent the past evening with a boy who is not my boyfriend. Adele plays on the radio. I make cappuccinos and lattes, take orders for Birthday cakes and pack cupcakes into boxes which I close with pink ribbons. I leave the bakery in the middle of the day and call my Father. I tell him I have kissed someone who is not my boyfriend. He tells me that my secret has now become his secret and he will keep it in his heart for me forever. He tells me that I don’t ever need to tell anyone what I have done. 

8. Theoretically, one cannot buy a heart. But a heart can be repaired with valves from a dead pig or in other cases, with kindness and promise.

9. It is New Year's Day, I am in Japan walking around the grounds of a Buddhist Monastery. I feel out of place, I’m afraid I am pregnant. I didn’t bring enough clothes with me and I am cold. I am led into a Monastery by my boyfriend and his Mother. People are seated on the floor beneath the high vaulted ceiling, it is dark. Countless Monks in long robes are gathered, slowly beating drums in unison. No words are spoken and I feel as though the drums have fallen in time with the beat of my heart. My mind goes blank and the drum beats seem to speak to me. They summon one word which repeats rhythmically throughout my being; Forgive. 

10. In Yoga, teachers often refer to the heart space. There are certain exercises designed to “open up” the heart space. This practice allows personal interpretation and is not the only belief system that considers the heart to be divine.

11. I am 35. I use my own name as my email address and my hair is no longer dyed red. Me and my heart have had many experiences together and go to yoga regularly. Last week as I was sitting at my desk researching this essay, I received a message from a friend who told me that they were scared of the pain of leaving their partner. I replied on impulse that sometimes the thought of pain is worse than the pain itself.

My heart goes quiet then but I have a convincing sensation that it has just spoken through me and what’s more, remembers things that the rest of me has tried to forget.

Artwork by Glenn Whiting @whitingglenn